THE ‘HOW’ ADDICTION

Why your need for certainty is repelling your wealth

The Physics of Repulsion

If there is one question I hear more than any other in the coaching industry, it is this: "But how do I do it?"

"How do I get the clients? How do I make the money? How do I find the partner?"

We are addicted to the 'How'. We treat it like a magic key. We believe that if we just find the perfect strategy, the perfect script, or the perfect funnel, everything will click into place. But here is the hard truth that your 1.0 mind doesn't want to hear.

When you are obsessed with the 'How', it is usually because you are in a state of 'Need'. You need the money to pay the bills. You need the client to validate your business.

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This energy of need is not magnetic; it is repulsive. Today, we are going to look at the science of why desperation pushes your goals away, and how shifting from 'Need' to 'Desire' is the only strategy that actually works.

Insight

The Smell of Desperation

We have all felt it. Think about a time you walked into a shop or jumped on a sales call, and you could feel that the other person needed the sale. It feels heavy. It feels sticky. It feels like pressure. What is your immediate reaction? You back away. You say "I'll think about it" and you run.

Now, think about a time you connected with someone who was totally unattached.

They loved what they did, they knew their value, and they didn't need you to say yes to make their day. They had Desire (an expansive wish to help), but they had zero Need (constriction/lack). What happens? You lean in. You want to be part of their world.

I remember early in my journey, I would get on calls with a perfect script. I had the "How" nailed down. But inside, I was screaming, "I need this £2k." And guess what? I got objection after objection.

Why?

Because I was broadcasting a signal of lack.

The 1.0 mind asks "How?" because it is trying to control the outcome to ensure survival. It is terrified of the void.

The 2.0 soul asks, "Who?" because it knows that if I become the person who is worthy of the wealth, the 'How' will present itself effortlessly.

You cannot fool the universe, and you cannot fool people. If you are using a 2.0 strategy with 1.0 desperation, you will repel the very thing you are chasing.

The Science: The Physics of Repulsion

This is not just a vibe. It is physics.

The Electromagnetic Field (HeartMath Institute)

Research from the HeartMath Institute has proven that the heart generates an electromagnetic field that can be detected several feet outside the body.

Need/Fear

When you are in a state of "needing" or "worrying about the how," your heart rhythm becomes jagged and irregular. This creates an incoherent field. You are literally broadcasting a chaotic, static-filled signal. This signal creates dissonance in others (repelling clients) and creates resistance in the quantum field.

Desire/Trust

When you shift to pure desire and trust, your heart rhythm becomes smooth and sine-wave-like. This is a coherent field. This signal is magnetic. It creates synchronicity.

Neuroscience (Analysis Paralysis)

When you are addicted to the "How," you are over-activating your Prefrontal Cortex in a stress response. You are trying to logically predict every step to avoid danger. The brain cannot be in "survival mode" and "creation mode" at the same time. By obsessing over the strategy, you actually shut down the creative centres of the brain that would give you the million-pound idea.

Quantum Physics (The Observer Effect)

"Need" implies that you do not have it. "Desire" implies that it is coming. If you observe your reality from a place of "I need this because I don't have it," the quantum field collapses into... not having it. You have to move to a place of "I desire this, and I know it is on its way."

This Week’s Challenge: The 'How' Detox

This week, catch yourself every time you ask "How?".

"How will I pay for this?"

"How will I get the client?"

Stop. Take a breath. Realise that the question is coming from a place of fear and need. Replace the question with: "Who must I be right now to attract this?"

Shift your focus from the mechanics of the result to the feeling of the result. Move from the constriction of need to the expansion of desire.

Journal Prompts for the Week Ahead

Where in my business am I doing the "right" things but with the "wrong" energy (desperation)?

If I knew with 100% certainty that the money was coming, would I still be stressing about the "how"?

What does "Need" feel like in my body versus "Desire"?

Am I trying to control the "how" because I don't trust the Universe (Source) to handle the delivery?

Who is the version of me that attracts wealth without having to force it?

Quote to Reflect On

"Need is a wall. Desire is a door. Stop trying to bang down the wall with strategy and just walk through the door with trust." - A.T.